SelfRealization
by chimera child
Summary: Johnny finds out who he really was and why he feels so hateful. JTHM/IZ crossover, but not what you think. 2ND CHAPPY UP, IT'S OVER, FOLKS!
1. Default Chapter

Author's Note: I know I'm already writing other stories, on both names I have (eddypoe_fan and this one, chimera child). But this one is only a short, one-chapter or two-chapter story. No, no, ONE chapter. It's kind of touching, and a twist where you don't expect it. Believe me, you DON'T EXPECT WHAT WILL HAPPEN AT THE END. And, yes, this is a JTHM/IZ crossover type thing. Please enjoy!  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in either Invader Zim, which is © to Nickelodeon and Jhonen, or Johnny the Homicidal Maniac, which is © to Jhonen and Slave Labor Graphics. SO you CANNOT SUE ME!! FEEEEL the power!  
  
SELF-REALIZATION  
  
Johnny sat back against the cold concrete wall of the second level of his basement. In this basement were only two live people of the hundreds of bodies that lie within the endless reaches of the basement levels. Johnny's eyes wandered to the other living and fully-functioning human chained to his wall.  
  
She was, indeed, the most beautiful. The most beautiful creature he'd ever seen. There was something about her.. Something about being linked to her. He felt a link. There was something..  
  
"Johnny?" The trembling, cracking voice asked in the silence.  
  
Johnny's eyes met her own. One word crossed his mind.  
  
Beautiful.  
  
"Johnny, really, you shouldn't.. I mean.. I want to be with you, but not this way," the girl said uncomfortably. Johnny blinked slowly and stood up with some effort. He'd grown weaker without food for the past five days.  
  
"You have to die, my sweet Devi. I know you got away before, but.. but now I have you and there's really nothing you can do about it." He said simply, staring at her. She squirmed within the chains that held her to his wall. Chains attached to her ankles and wrists.  
  
"Devi, may I ask you something?" Johnny asked. Devi's eyes widened considerably to Johnny's voice. When he spoke, his voice held a childish quality.. fear, maybe? He sounded like a child when he spoke now.  
  
"Um.. in the situation I'm in, I can't really say, 'No, Johnny, you may not ask me anything'." Devi replied dryly. "Still full of humor and sarcasm even though you're about to die painfully," Johnny mused aloud, stroking his chin. Devi bit her lip and sighed, eyes downcast. "Okay," she squeaked fearfully, "ask me anything."  
  
Johnny stepped closer, closer yet, and reached out to raised her head. He looked into her eyes. "Did we know each other as children?" he asked. A blank expression registered on Devi's face, and her eyes seemed to glaze over as she tried to recall a moment in her childhood in which they knew each other.  
  
"Um, I don't think.." she murmured, blinking. Johnny pulled his hand away and sighed impatiently. "Fine. I'll do some research myself and kill you later. Oh, so much to do..!" he exclaimed irritably, storming off and stomping up the stairs.  
  
Johnny went to the library, unarmed. After Devi, he figured the pain would be too much and he'd kill himself or something. So he had no use for his weapons unless it would be to direct the pain to himself.  
  
He looked over some newspapers dated to when he was a child, and he found something. Found a picture of a little boy in an article. Actually, the boy didn't look too little. Twelve, maybe.  
  
Johnny looked at the date of the paper. It was when HE was twelve! Johnny excitedly read the article. The boy had discovered bigfoot. And bigfoot's son! Johnny then found the boy's name.. Dib.  
  
"I REMEMBER that name!!" He exclaimed. It was then that a librarian shushed him. Johnny muttered a "sorry" and went on exploring.  
  
Later, back at his house, he was reading over the stolen library papers. He leaned against the wall of his room, where he'd written in his Die-Ary so many times.  
  
"But if I was Dib when I was little, who would Devi be?" Johnny asked himself. "Would Devi be Devi?"  
  
He then found her. And stared in awe and disgust. Devi was a little girl named Gaz. And Gaz was Devi.  
  
And Gaz was Dib's sister.  
  
Johnny turned to the corner of his room and vomited from pure disgust that he would fall in love with his own sister. Then he realized something. Dib seemed a happy child. Johnny was not a happy child.  
  
Johnny looked over more articles. "If I hated the human race as a child too, and I KNOW I did, then I would not be Dib. Dib would remember who his sister was." Johnny reasoned.  
  
Johnny then found himself. And memories flooded his brain.  
  
All those children, making fun of him, calling him weird and pointing out his differences. And he was always alone, always. Except when..  
  
When he met Gaz. And she changed it, because he fell in love with her at the young age of twelve. And his hatred for human beings was still alive when he was a child. He never liked any human except Gaz. Because Gaz would not make fun of him.  
  
A tear slipped from Johnny's eye, then another, until a fall of tears soaked his face. He was sobbing. He sniffed and wiped away the tears.  
  
And he knew why he changed his name. He now knew why his body wouldn't function like other peoples' bodies would.  
  
He was not Johnny.  
  
He was..  
  
Zim. 


	2. Metamorphosis

Author's Note: I know this story is a bit far-fetched, and some of you - well, actually like one or two - noticed that Zim couldn't be Johnny because Zim is an alien! Well, my inquisitive little readers, I AM NOT FINISHED WITH THIS YET. After I do this chapter, you will begin to understand why Johnny is Zim in this fic and why Zim is Johnny. Thank you and read on.  
  
Disclaimer: Though I'd love to own the characters in JTHM and IZ, the ever- lovely Jhonen Vasquez does. In fact, I think I'd like to own Jhonen too. Yes. But I don't. So you can't sue me.  
  
SELF-REALIZATION CHAPTER 2: METAMORPHOSIS  
  
Johnny - or Zim - sat back against his wall, letting the papers drop from his fingertips. "I'm not of this world.. yet I am.. how.." he murmured dreamily, staring at the ceiling. He closed his eyes and tried to remember. And then it all came back. Every single moment of his childhood crashed back into his brain, and he remembered..  
  
Being an alien but wanting so badly to be human, like the other children. Wanting to be with Gaz. Wanting to be accepted.  
  
And he'd begun to do human things. He stopped contacting the Almighty Tallest, realizing that they'd sent him to Earth to get rid of him. And if they wanted him gone, then he'd be gone.  
  
He wore his disguise every day and every night, but changed that stupid hair around so that it fit his preferences. He changed his clothing to what he wanted it to be. Dark and comfortable.  
  
He wore his eye contacts so much that they reacted to the substances in his alien eyes and just fused. The contacts would become his real eyes. He was never able to take them off, but he grew used to having them in there. They became so real that he could still cry and it would hurt if he poked them.  
  
His obsession with wanting to be human morphed his body. In time, he grew ears. It took much time, years, but his green skin faded into a pale flesh color.  
  
He was angry one day because he wasn't changing as quickly as he'd liked, so he stormed into his bathroom and sliced the antennas off. He'd been in much pain a while after that, and often he would black out for no good reason for an hour or so to a whole day. But soon the black outs stopped and there were two scars on his scalp, hidden beneath his growing black hair.  
  
As he went through puberty and matured, his face changed structure. It grew rounder instead of its naturally narrow shape. He went through a growth spurt and reached his final height at the age of eighteen.  
  
Finally, after years of growing hair, he could take off his wig and have real hair on his head. He'd cut it and style it as he wished. Soon, his hair would just stay the same. Sometimes, though, he combed it back.  
  
At the age of nineteen, he looked in the mirror and saw what he'd wanted to see since twelve years old. He called this new person Johnny. And he convinced himself that he was never an alien, that he was always human.  
  
That lie had driven him mad. He soon was convinced that, yes, he was a human.. but his eating and sleeping habits and his hate for humanity had given him something to question about himself.  
  
He just shrugged it off and told himself he was ridding the world of the insignificant filth that wandered it. He was a good, normal human being.  
  
But now, he sat on the floor of his bedroom, cold and feeling so very alone. He'd gotten what he wanted. He wanted to be human and now he was.  
  
That was that.  
  
But the one thing he did it all for..  
  
Devi. Devi! He ran downstairs, ready to tell her the news. He smiled wide as he stepped into the basement. "Devi! Devi, I know who I am! I know who-" he began excitedly. He stopped abruptly when he saw her body slumped over on the floor, against the wall. Her head hung and her limbs were limp.  
  
"Devi?" he asked shakily. He walked to her, raised her head. Her eyes were closed and she wouldn't respond to his touch. She was cold.  
  
He cried out and checked her pulse. Nothing. Pressed his ear against her chest. Nothing.  
  
He fell back onto the concrete floor, staring at the ceiling.  
  
All those changes, all the hate, the pain..  
  
He did it all for her.. for Devi.. for Gaz..  
  
And his one motivation..  
  
Was gone. 


	3. Fan Fiction

Look.. I know that my story "doesn't add up" as nicely as some people would like it. But this is what Fan-Fiction is all about - stuff we WANT to happen for our favorite characters.  
  
Seriously, now, Zim being Nny? It's ridiculous! But it was a chance at reaching out to the nearly impossible; something I dared to do.  
  
I knew before I wrote this, before my fingertips touched the keys that people would nitpick this story and criticize it. And it's all for the better! I like to know what you all think of my stuff here - whether it be good or bad.  
  
But my point is clearly that this website was made for exactly this - FAN FICTION. It's not real; your stories probably won't catch Jhonen's eye and appear in a comic book. This is for fun.  
  
But, even if my story was "stupid" to you or didn't make sense completely, fine. I'm just content that you took the time to read it.  
  
~~THANKS~~  
  
chimera child 


End file.
